Today and on two further Sundays in July, I will be talking about ‘family life and faith’, and how we – and when I say ‘we’ I mean the whole church family - can be involved in bringing up the next generation of children in the faith of Jesus Christ.
Are you a parent, a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a godparent? If so, then this little series of talks is for you in order to help you to play your God-ordained role – yes, just as Psalm 78 and God’s instructions to his people in the Book of Deuteronomy put it – in raising the next generation of Christians. How can we, both as individuals with blood ties, and as the church family with spiritual ties, involve ourselves effectively in bringing the next generation of children to know and love God as their Creator, Redeemer, Father, Friend?
Does it matter? Is it my responsibility, you might ask? Well yes, it jolly well is; and I intend, from presenting a blend of the biblical commands, some recent polls, and the horrors of what our children are facing today in terms of secular and atheist propaganda, to explain why.
As we start, a couple of really important things to say. First, this sermon series really is for everyone, whether you have children or teenagers at home or not. This is for the whole church and not just for parents and grandparents. One of the things that we will be exploring is how it takes a whole church to raise a child - a whole church - and how one of the really counter cultural things that we have to offer, as a church family, is a community of belonging in which everyone shares responsibility for each other, and in which children, in particular, belong to us all. And this in a society increasingly centred on the self, on the narcissistic god of ‘hyper-individualism’, fuelled and fed as he is by commercial opportunity and identity groups whose real agendas – however much they try to disguise their motives as equal rights, personal fulfilment, and even compassion - are truly terrible.
Secondly, talking about family life and faith risks the suggestion that there is some kind of ‘perfect’ way of doing this – raising children in the faith; and because none of us ever quite manage ‘perfect parenting’, the risk is that this series will just makes us all feel awful about ourselves.
So please hear this clearly. This series is about encouragement and about invitation – the encouragement to give it a go because it is never too late to start. This is not criticism or judgement – though I understand some will feel that is. But it’s not: what I want to encourage you to do is to take an honest look, a reality check, about the situation our children face today and the part we all need to play in raising children of faith. It’s about not falling between two stools: the one thinking that being a wonderful parent or grandparent means not ‘interfering’ in our children’s and grandchildren’s faith journeys; the other, thinking that it’s all too difficult or that I don’t have the skill-set or I’m not a good enough Christian. But if we don’t, if we abdicate, we will be letting our children, our grandchildren, our nephews and nieces, our godchildren down.
Please put aside for the next ten minutes or so those false cultural imperatives that faith is private, that talking about it is taboo, and that children will somehow or other find their way. And if they don’t, well it doesn’t really matter because the God I believe in is merciful and loves everyone. Sadly, that last statement, though true, is only half the story: it is precisely because God loves all that he sent Jesus to save all and to offer them all life in all its fulness. And when adults refuse their God-ordained role to bring children up in the faith, we not only leave them in ignorance and darkness, we leave them prone to all kinds of terrible temptations and injurious consequences.
So, first I will lay out why this stuff matters - why intellectual and practical faith in the home matters, and why this is an issue for all of us. I’m going to share some research that has been done on the issue of faith and families.
Secondly, I want to look at some things that our culture tells us about children and faith.
And thirdly I want to come back to the question of why this matters above all else in the world!
We will be looking at the bible, at what it has to say about families, and then some really practical stuff that we can do as families and as a whole church.
So, what’s the issue and why does this stuff matter? There has been a lot of research done recently about how people come to faith, and about why churches grow or decline. Here are some figures for you.
When practising Christians were asked at what age they came to faith, this is what they said: 40% said before the age of 5; 16% between 5-10 and 20% between the ages of 11-18: that’s 76% of Christians who came to faith before they were 18.
And when young people who believe in God were asked who are the key influences on their faith, 72% said their family; not church, not their friends; but their family.
Indeed a very wide ranging survey of research in this area draws the same conclusion: the most important social influence in shaping young people’s religious lives is the religious life modelled and taught to them by their parents.
And that all makes sense doesn’t it - we know that in every area of life it is parents and families who have the greatest influence on the outlook, values and behaviours of their kids. Schools have a part to play, groups, friends too - but the home is the key place where children are nurtured and taught. That’s as true for faith as it is for manners, values and attitudes -WHICH IS WHY MANY CIVILSERVANTS,POLITICIANS, IDENTITY GROUPS AND OTHERS are trying to wrest it away! We surely would not leave our children ‘free’(!) to discover drugs sex, alcohol, etc; so why something so much more important and life-enhancing - faith!
Here’s another bit of research. The European Values Survey asks large numbers of people across Europe about their values and attitudes. One of the questions offers 11 ‘values’ and asks parents to choose the 5 most important. Of those who self identify as Anglicans, religious faith was the least mentioned value, and was included as a priority only by 11%. The most chosen value amongst Anglicans? ‘Good Manners’, picked by a whopping 93%! I nearly cried when I first read that: We all should; because it represents a victory for ‘cultural’, faith-less, Christianity; the kind that keeps us in the world and of it!
One more statistic for you. Church of England attendance statistics show that 50% of the children of committed adult believers will stop going to church as adults. Putting together these facts and figures, what do we get?
- The most important factor in anyone coming to faith and growing up to be a practising Christian believer is their family.
- Anglican families do not consider bringing their children up in the faith to be a priority.
- Half of the children of current believers will not go on to be adult Christians.
Three things seem particularly important. First, many people simply don’t believe in the core Christian offer. Scepticism, indifference and even mockery of Christianity are now the norm - and the constant drip, drip, of negativity has made us less confident in our own faith. It’s hard to be a public Christian: people laugh at you – or behind your back, or argue with you, or tell you you’re a ‘fool’? Is being on an atheist’s Christmas party list really more important? So we keep quiet about it- at work, at school, at the gym - even within our own families. It has been said to me, ‘But Campbell, this is a small village.’ So are we to sacrifice truth and integrity for safety and popularity?
Secondly, A culture of choice. We are surrounded by the promise that choice is everything. Our culture says, ‘you can choose anything and everything - and it is your right to do so. In fact, if you want to live a full and free life, you must do so. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are, what you should believe, or how you should live your life. ‘Be true to yourself’, ‘discover your own truth’, ‘be the person you want to be’; these are the phrases that shape our world.
And that culture of choice has become part of our culture in church too. And so we feel that we have to let our children choose what they believe. We don’t want to ‘brainwash’ our children; they need to discover their own truth, or their own way. And so we’re happy for them to come to church and to do RE - because then they’ll have the facts they need to make a choice of their own one day. But we’re not going to tell them what to believe, because that might be indoctrinating them.
Yet much of this choice is sheer illusion - everything children hear from the culture that we all live in says ‘don’t believe this stuff, find your own truth, religion is dull, church is for losers’. There is no such thing as a ‘free choice’. If we don't choose for them when they’re young, society will make the choice for them - and the choice will be for society’s view of things, the ‘world’s’ view. And that for certain won’t include God.
And anyway, there are loads of things we don’t let our children choose; we teach them to say please and thank you; we expect them to do their homework and to go to school. The question isn’t whether we’re imposing things on them - of course we’re doing that - the question is ‘are we sharing the things that matter most to us with our kids and grandchildren?’ And if God matters, if faith is important to us, then we should be really clear about passing it on to the next generation.
We cannot simply contract out teaching the faith to the clergy, to Youth Workers, to Sunday groups, to ‘church’ – the ones who can do what we don’t feel confident to do. Talk to any teacher and they’ll tell you that education is a partnership, talk to doctors and they will tell you that good health starts at home, talk to a sports coach and they know that the kids who succeed are the ones where the parents- or another adult - are really involved and interested in the child’s development.
The same is true of faith. Of course church is crucial in the faith development of children; and that’s why children and families are so important to us at All Saints. I love our Baby and Toddler service; it’s my favourite service of the week. I don’t have to dress up in clothes modelled on late 3rd century Roman dignitaries attire or 17th century English Reformers. We have fun and dance, like King David did before the Lord – or rather we jump! – to show how grateful we are to him for blessing us in so many ways and for sending Jesus to teach us how to live and love. But all the evidence is that the vital journey of faith starts and is spent for the greater part at home; that what is modelled at home is the biggest single factor in children growing up with a living and robust faith of their own.
So there’s the challenge. And it’s a challenge for all of us.
It’s not a new challenge. We heard Psalm 78 just now; it was written 3000 years ago but for every generation of God’s people. So for now let me finish with the real reason why this all matters so much. And it’s not about church numbers, and whether the Church of England has a future - which in God’s great plan for his creation, isn’t the most important thing. (And, yes, you can tell the Bishop or the Archdeacon that; and if they disagree then we’d all better watch out!) It’s to do with truth. If Christianity is true; if it’s true that there is a God, that he made this Universe, that he cares so passionately about every person and every life that he sent Jesus to live, die and live again for us. If it’s true that suffering won’t have the final word, that injustice matters, and that we can do something about it. If it’s true that the Holy Spirit is alive and active, that prayers are answered, that healing of body, mind and soul is possible. If this is true, then it matters more than anything else that we might ever know – anything else in the whole wide world! It’s more important than the 11+, than their career options, than their popularity or yours: because when these fail, to what or to whom do they turn? No: if it is true, then it really, really matters that our children and grandchildren, and the children that we share church life with, have the opportunity to know it too - and if we don’t tell them, and show them, and be ready to learn from them in turn – remember Jesus’ words, ’unless you become like a child you cannot enter the Kingdom of God’- nobody will.Society says - keep this God stuff to yourself. Faith says - this is the greatest gift you can give a child. Tell them, share it with them. Give them the gift of God’s presence in their lives.
After all, it we don’t tell them, chances are nobody will; but someone will be there to fill the void, and with something you will only deeply regret. Next time, the bible and some tips!
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