This morning we have the second in our little series of three talks about ‘family life and faith’, looking at how we – and when I say ‘we’ I mean the whole church family - can be involved in bringing up the next generation of children in the faith of Jesus Christ. If you missed the first talk, there are hard copies available by the font or, of course, you can get it on our website.
Are you a parent, a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a godparent? If so, then this little series of talks is for you; for you in order to help you to play your God-ordained role - just as we heard in our first reading of God’s instructions to his people in the Book of Deuteronomy – your role in raising the next generation of Christians. How can we, both as individuals with blood ties, and as the church family with spiritual ties, involve ourselves effectively in bringing up the next generation of children to know and love God as their Creator, Redeemer, Father, Friend?
After the last talk, one or two people did say to me how uneasy what I said had made them feel, but also admitted that it needed to be heard and that it had prompted them to give the subject much more serious thought. And that is surely no bad thing - declaring what God has said about how important it is Christian parents, grandparents, godparents, and indeed the whole church family, raise children in the faith; no bad thing if it wakes us all up to our responsibilities; no bad thing if it encourages us – as it ought – to take some positive, proactive -albeit in some cases remedial - action; no bad thing in the light of that truly sad and disturbing figure from the ‘European Values Survey’ I quoted from: that of those who self-identify as ‘Anglicans’, religious faith was the least mentioned value and was included as a priority only by 11% of respondents. Whereas the most chosen value amongst Anglicans? ‘Good Manners’, picked by a whopping 93%!!!
All the research shows that in every area of life it is parents and families who have the greatest influence on the outlook, values and behaviours of their children: it is the home that is the key place where children are nurtured and taught. As I said previously, that’s as true for faith as it is for manners, values and attitudes -WHICH IS WHY OF COURSE SO MANY CIVIL SERVANTS, POLITICIANS, IDENTITY GROUPS AND OTHERS are trying to wrest it away from parents! We surely would not leave our children ‘free’(!) to discover drugs, sex, alcohol, etc; so why on earth our Christian faith?
This morning I want to give you some very practical tips; tips that have been shown to be so effective in making a vital difference to our children in their faith’s formation.
If we give this our time, quality time; if we create a culture, an environment of faith at home; if we share wisdom with our children – but are also open to learning from them; if we as adults live as if our faith in Christ is the most important thing in our life, then the ‘world’, as Jesus termed it – that is, all those people and forces that find God either inconvenient or a threat to their aims and purposes – will find their task very difficult indeed. And we need to remember that we are not on our own in this: as St. John reminds us in his first letter, ‘He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.’ We all of us need to hold on to that wonderful truth whenever we face the ‘world’, its deceptions, its lies, and its temptations.
Making a difference in our children’s lives, the great difference of faith, does not require a degree in theology; but it does require a desire, as the Prayer Book puts it, ‘to grow in the knowledge and love of God and of his Son Jesus Christ, our Lord’. And rather than desperately trying to find extra time in our already full, fraught, and frenetic lives, why not begin to look at what you already do as a family and ask yourself and God how you could best bring a Christian dimension or flavour to that. I realise only too well that to so many Brits - who prefer not to talk about our faith and to compartmentalise it - because that it what is ‘expected’ - this can sound pretty extreme. But we really must ask ourselves, ‘How much do we value our children over silly social taboos or what other people might think of us?’
Do you say ‘grace’ at meals together? Do you say prayers with your children – at bedtime or whenever is best? Do you make those prayer times enjoyable and an adventure by writing some of them down and then talking about how God has answered them? Do your children have a bible appropriate to their reading age? Do your children and grandchildren hear you talking about God and also with him? Do they hear you singing some of the hymns and songs you sing on Sunday - or is it just your favourite old ABBA or Rolling Stones numbers? Why not, as a family, try, for example, singing ‘We are walking in the love of God’ but change the words for whatever you’re doing; because then your children will quickly get the message! So we are ‘washing, drying, driving, dressing in the love of God.’ These are all very positive and, I think we need to be honest, very simple things to achieve.
Yes, I know that there are many competing priorities. But do you take advantage of them and see them not as problems but as opportunities – opportunities to show your children how vital faith is and that the ‘world’ doesn’t always have to win.
If you have to miss the Sunday service, do you have a little service of your own – later at home, in the car on the way to the relations, on the walk by the fields or by the seashore? A couple of songs, a few prayers, perhaps one of you tells your favourite parable? Pretty positive; perfectly possible!
What about Christian holiday camps, either as a family or for children to go to and be with children who are Christians where they can have tremendous fun whilst deepening their understanding? My three children made and still have some of their best friends from those camps. There are very local summer ones and they start from around 9 or 10 years of age.
I know families who, on principle, will not hold a children’s party on a Sunday morning or even go to one. It’s not about being ‘self-righteous’ or ‘super holy’; it’s about being faithful and, to quote from our second reading. ‘shining like a star in the world’. And of course one very good way of being known as a Christian family is to invite friends to church as well as Sunday lunch. Making our faith visible is a God-given responsibility both at home and in the world; it is the Christians’ principal task given to us by Christ. One mother happened to mention at the school gate that when she prayed with her children they fell calmly to sleep. Another mother, on hearing this said, ’Well, I’d better try that myself ‘cos nothing else is working.’
So how do we start? Are you a parent? You might start by taking an honest look at the culture at home. Who calls the shots? God or ‘the world’? Are you a grandparent? Grandchildren see grandparents as very precious loved ones: make sure your grandchildren know what, deep down, makes you tick. Are you a godparent? What kind of presents do you give your godchildren? Are you a member of the church family? The children here belong to you, just as you belong to them. They may not understand that yet; but you do. Remember; you do not have to be perfect, but you are perfectly placed in those roles to be a tremendous influence on children.
When we read passages such as God’s commands to his chosen people in the Book of Deuteronomy; when we think of his loving concern for us and for our children in a world that so subtly wants to steer them away from him, and from us as parents, to enslave them to priorities, principles, and practices which, without the defence of a robust and living faith, will overcome them; when we think of what is best in life and best in human beings, how can we not do our utmost for our children in terms of raising them in the faith? God wants us to raise children of character, children of charity – that is, of Christian love; children of his Church to ‘shine as stars’ in a world that is trying its hardest to extinguish the light of his saving Gospel of forgiveness, reconciliation, and new and abundant life.
When God says, ‘You shall have no other God’s before me’, why do you think he said that? Was it for his good or for ours? We really do have to ask the right questions about God’s commandments and not listen to the facile, libertarian pontifications of several well known TV celebs in our increasingly destructive and anarchic culture of hyper-individualism. And do we really think that our children will admire and respect us more because we left them alone amongst the wolves to make up their own minds about the Christian faith, or because we followed the crowd, and the social taboos, and the spirit of the age?
Psychologists say that children need 18 years of uninterrupted, hands on, parental love if they are to grow up into well-rounded adults. What better human role model is there to give them than Jesus? It’s the question that stops in their tracks every parent at our local school who asks me why it has to be a Christian school with a Christian ethos and values. But if your children spend more time watching ‘Love Island’ than, for example, ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’, what values are they going to take on board? ‘Oh, it’s harmless’, some will say. No it’s not! Have you read some of the background stories to these ‘celebs’? Children need positive alternatives to the barrage of -misguided and misguiding rubbish that surrounds them today. Genuine parenting is responsible parenting; responsible parenting is parenting as God intended it.
I often hear the excuse, ‘But I don’t know enough about the Christian faith to explain it to children.’ Okay, so go on an ALPHA course or come on a course we’re planning to run here on 8 evenings in the autumn called, ’Christianity Explored’. Over 35 years I reckon I’ve heard every excuse under the sun for people not willing to talk about their faith; but never a convincing one. Or perhaps you’re saying to yourself, ’But I’m not a perfect Dad or a perfect Mum or a perfect Granny or Grampa.’ Sure; no one is: but you could take the opportunity to talk to your children about our need for humility and about God’s wonderful gift of forgiveness.
How can I help children grow in the faith? Make sure it’s obvious! in your speech, in your conversations, in your priorities, in your home. The role of the Christian parent is to protect and to prepare our children to shine as God’s ‘lights’ in the world. We need to build character modelled on Jesus and in relationship with him, character that can face and overcome the world with God’s truth and his love, those two things which alone can ‘save’ others and bring them new life, life as God intended it, life as no other person or philosophy can bring.
Now I don’t expect – though I would be very pleasantly surprised – to drive through the village later this week and admire the ten commandments inscribed as per Deuteronomy 6 on your door frames and gates: but I do hope and trust that they will be on your hearts; that you will impress them on your children because you love them; and that you will talk about them with your children as a perfectly natural and normal part of every day.
A few years ago it was not uncommon to see children and adults with little bands on their wrists displaying the letters WWJD? - What Would Jesus Do? That seems to me to be a very healthy and helpful thing not only for those who wear them but also for those who see them and ask, ‘Why are you wearing that, and what does it mean?’
Next Sunday, the Church family. What can this family do to help raise our children in the Christian faith?
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